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my falling out with christianity(PARTIALLY revised)

Written by SMARTYR on Monday, 7/15/2002

I would like to start off by saying that this isn't an attack on christians or their faith. so don't go getting all defensive on me. Just because I don't have the same beliefs as me doesn't mean you have to destroy it or put it down or try to rationalize yourself to me. I know what I don't believe in so don't try and change my mind. It seems like you always try to change something that doesn't agree with you. It seeems like some of you try to change anyone who has different beliefs than you. Try accepting them for who they are for a change instead of tyring to change them. While my reasons for falling out with christianity may not be perfect or flawless but I will never go back this I know. It is just not something I can go back into. My dad always said never move backwards, you must always go forward. I've come a long way to get to this point, and there's no way in hell I'm going back now. I'm not going to try and change you, I'm not that naive to think I can just type something up and make you completely change your mind on something you've believed in all your life.Your beliefs don't effect me, and my beliefs don't effect you, so don't judge me or condemn me or put me down for what I have to say. This is just my story that i think could help some people who went throught the same difficult period I went through. THIS IS JUSTMY STORY NOT AN ARGUEMENT

For about 2 years now I have been in kind of a limbo with my faith. after about a year I decided I wasn't christian, and after flirting with other faiths I realized that no dead set organized religion was correct. I will start you off at the begining.


I was raised in a half-assed christian family. My dad had Catholicism forced upon him. He hated it and never understood it. My mom is the tragedy of the story. She was raised by a man posessed by the bible. He used the bible to justify his beating my mother and even had her "disposessed of her demons' several times. Despite this she maintained a liberal view of xtianity(x as in xmas) and tried to raise me to find her god in my own way. This was horrible for them and you may say this is what steered me off. But in the long run it fueled me to lean away from their religion which has made me so much better off.
I started off just going along with it. I never knew a thing. I went to bible school when I was 4 but all I remember s making pretzels (they were damn tasty too). I never went to church on a regular basis. This was because my mom knew at that point that church was only someone telling you how to believe in god, which she didnít want because thatís how she was raised . So this being as it was I went to church less than ten times in my entire life. To many this is heresy. The belief in the church is ultimate, or at least important. To me it was just that There were so damn many, and I didnít get how 10 groups could interpret the bible 11 different ways. It all seemed like one guy read the bible and told everyone his thoughts on it, or in other words how he thought that jesus wanted them to live their lives. But my problem was that I wanted to learn how jesus wanted me to live for myself, not be told by anyone. So I took to the bible. I also started to pray every night.
That's when my uncle told me a little story about the bible that sent me on a tailspin

I have decided to rewrite this article due to the fact that it started as one thing and grew to another. I admit that I may not have all the facts on the first part down %100, but the story is the important part. I know i will come under a lot of fire from a lot of people who are to desperate to cling to or to close minded to think outside their strict upbringing, or maybe they are too afraid to think for the first time out of their religion. A lot of times whenI tell people I am not christian, they say ," oh, that's scary". And I say ," your damn right, it's scary as hell, but only at first.
For about 2 years now I have been in kind of a limbo with my faith. after about a year I decided I wasn't christian, and after flirting with other faiths I realized that no dead set organized religion was correct. I will start you off at the begining.

I was raised in a half assed christian family. My dad had Catholicism forced upon him. He hated it and never understood it. My mom is the tragedy of the story. She was raised by a man posessed by the bible. He used the bible to justify his beating my mother and even had her "disposessed of her demons' several times. Despite this she maintained a liberal view of xtianity(x as in xmas) and tried to raise me to find her god in my own way. This was horrible for them and you may say this is what steered me off. But in the long run it fueled me to lean away from their religion which has made me so much better off.
I started off just going along with it. I never knew a thing. I went to bible school when I was 4. My mom wnated me to go to bible school just to be taught the basics, but it failed as all I remember s making pretzels (they were damn tasty too). I never went to church on a regular basis. This was because my mom knew at that point that church was only someone telling you how to believe in god, which she didnít want because thatís how she was raised. She said that it 10 people could read a bible pasage and give you 10 different ntereperatations of it, much like the constitution.So this being as it was I went to church less than ten times in my entire life. To many this is heresy. The belief in the church is ultimate, or at least important. I feel that church is really a scam. Someone tells you his interperatation of the bible, which could greatly vary from yours, and then asks you to give him money whether it be a collection plate or a thide. The catholic church is the richest and smallest nation, and by that I mean the richest government, in the world. As you may know the US is in a lot of debt right now, and people send the vatican tons of money every year.

All of this being said I decided to simply start to pray every night and read the bible. I prayed every night but never really got it for some reason. I just felt guilty for some small things i had done depsite the fact that I always went out of my way to make sure that if I did lie or cheat or anything else considered a sin that no one got hurt. As for the bible..... I read and read but all I got at first was the stories of creation and a bunch of weird stories about this guy begat this guy and so forth and so on... some guy lives to be 932 years old or something like that. And I never saw how that was supposed to help me live my life, or even understand god. The only thing I got out of it was the ten commandments. so I stopped working on sundays and I stopped coveting my neighboors as much as I could. But that's all I got at first. Then comes along this uncle of mind who really got me started. He meant nothing but to help out and make me a good little christian, as a matter of fact he was very catholic, although he hasn't gone to a service since he married a protestant, which I found very hypocritical. Anyways he failed and steered me even more astray from his faith. He told me he had a better understanding of how the bible was written than most, and through this little tidbit at me. He said that there were 2 stories of creation one was the seven day story and one was the adam and eve story. It started during the first seeration of the jews. I am not sure if I have all the "facts" he told me right but they are inconsequential. The stories split when the mesopotamians conquered the jews. A large portion of the jews fled their homeland and went to egypt where they were promptly enslaved. some time down the line the Egyptians fell and the mesopotamians fell and the jews reunited(I'm not sure if those empires are correct, but the jews were split up and then they got back together) When they got back together they decided to write down what had previously been there strictly oral history in hopes that they would be taken more seriously and they wouldn't be scattered again. . But when they went to do this they discovered that the people who had fled south had developed the adam and eve story where as the people who had stayed had developed the 7 day story of creation. So they decided to include both storied in a way that they wouldn't conflict. He also said that the first part of the bible was written with a bunch of "midrash" or made up stuff i guess.
This got me thinking. If the oral tradition could be that badly deranged in just that story, why couldn't the whole damn thing have been changed over several times? IT's kind of like a game of telephone. His dad told him this story so he tells it to his kid as he remembers it, but he may have changed this in his head so it would make more sense to him or maybe he forgot a section and made it up. Then I looked at my copy of the new testement and realized that every word jesus spoke, and there were a ton of them, were highlighted in red. I thought to myself, " Someone actually remembered every word this guy said? or was there someone following him with a tablet scribing every word he wrote? I know jesus was a relatively poor carpenter and paper was rather expensive, so that just made no damn sense to me. To top this all of I learned that the bible has been translated many a time and that the catholic church has had it's finger in several of those doing god knows what. Someone told me that this was false once and that the bible is nearly identical to the dead sea scrolls, to which I replied, " really, you learned latin and read them yourself? what a scholar you are!" he didn't appreciate that and said he had heard it in church, and I just didn't trust churches.
So with all of this I struggled for a while and just couldn't bring myself to pray as much and with out a basic trust for the bible or the church I had to turn my back on it. The whole reason I started readin the bible was because I wasn't just going to believe in something because my mother told it to me. I wasn't just going to put faith in something I didn't understand. I couldn't believe blindly I was going to do this religion thing the right way. I wasn't going to believe in something blindly, so I wanted to do it right. All I ended up doing was finding that there was no right way to do it. I think the biggest thing was that I couldn't just put " faith" into something that didn't have a solid foundation. I needed more than the bible, and as far as I know there was nothing. Thus being I found myself believing in lies and fairy tales that restriected me from life and experiencing this earth to it's fullest. I turned away..... and have been all the better for it. I will finish this with an explanation of how i came to believe that all religions are false, but I haven't time for that now. I will also respond to santos. (hehe) But for now I will leave you with the last paragraph of the old article which I feel arcurately describes my feeling here. However this will be expanded later
However in the long run it has been great for me.
I find my self a much stronger person for it. I realized trhat religion is nothing more than a crutch for the weak. It is just something that weak people need to lean on when they can't figure something out. Me? I don't have that any more. It has taken off blinders that I previously had on. For the first Time I am standing on my own legs and seeing things clearly

Please post anything you have to say, I want to hear what you have


Question everything
Stand strong
SMARTYR


article discussion



posted by someguy on Monday, 7/15/2002:

i got the same thing like posted twice u mite want to change that but this is better now but the protestant belief isnt really about the dead set isnt really about being correct in my opion i just think its dumb to think an organized religion is correct or not and any of them that say u can only get to heaven if u are that religion is complete and utter bullshit. its more about taking what u want from the bible which is why i think those non denominational churches are doing so well today.


posted by rufus on Saturday, 7/20/2002:

der brett is dumb and likes to pick his ass and sniff it while touching animals in the wrong place


posted by Mr. Bill on Saturday, 7/20/2002:

yeah this rufus guy is on to something, i say there should be less smartyrs and more money for public schools.


posted by sean on Sunday, 7/21/2002:

you claim to be free thinking, yet if you really were, you would have stuck to your guns. however, it seems once people had a problem with your view you seemed to have changed it to thier liking.


posted by Smartyr on Tuesday, 7/23/2002:

sean, I never claim to be free thinking. I tyr toi think outside the boundaries of society but I don't always succeed. Secondly I didn't change it to their liking, they still don't agree with it and finally I wanted to change it since I wrote it, but I never had the time.


posted by Cheeses Crust on Wednesday, 7/24/2002:

Smartie, just do everything I tell you and you too will be a free thinker.


posted by Concerned Canadian on Monday, 10/21/2002:

Where shall i start..
Yes im catholic.
cant say i blame him for not liking the religion.

You should always take things at face value. The bible, written by an imperfect species prone to mistakes and twisting situations to ones own gain. Not to knock the bible it has some brilliant literature.

I see things like this. Ya i believe in god. am i gonna scream it from the roof tops??? HELL NO! Id be a bloody loony if i did. I like him and he likes me.

ppl say u should go to church. why?? so i can have some one force feed there ideals of what is morally good down my throat? BLAH!

I have a saying :
Some of your best and most loved friends are the ppl you rarely talk to or see on a regular basis.

why? because u dont have the time to hate them.

Call me crazy but Ive had my moments that let me know hes there. and im not talking about standing in a church yelling "HALA LUYA" at the top of my lungs (please sheesh)

you have to like him and involve him in your life in your way.


posted by bruce on Wednesday, 10/30/2002:

There are some serious parrallels between old mesopotamian/sumerian mythologies and "our" old testament. Look up Enmenduranna (book of Enoch etc)=> Adam and Enoch. Not Surprising that legends should be shared in the region.
Also Satan v.s Baal. the god of your enemies tends to become the devil.

More importantly remember that as humans, we are always concerned, consciously or otherwise, with status.
If you organize a knitting circle, someone will want to be in charge of tea and biscuits. This is the bane of bascially every human organisation, religions absolutely not excepted.
Generally, the person who ends up at the top will be the one who wants it the most, not the one most into the subject (i.e God, knitting).

As a free thinker consider that having faith in a good lie can be quit powerful. Simply "knowing" what is true gives a certain aura and personal power.




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(C) 2002 Jeremy Hammond